Forgiveness

While I was working out at the gym today 7x70 Time by Chris August came on my IPOD. I heard this song for the first time last march and had to pull over cause I couldn't stop crying. It struck a chord with me and I believe it has a great message.

I come from a divorced family and Dad who just wasn't there. Unlike the song there was no screaming and yelling, but my family did fall apart. When I was eight my Dad walked out of our family, he refused to get help for his alcholisim, so he left. I can close my eyes and I am right back there sitting on the couch crying with my mom and brothers bot really knowing what all that meant.

My Dad was never consistent in our lives he would pop in and out, he would say he would try and make plays and graduations but something else always came up. From the time I was 8 my heart was broken, and there were times where the hurt was so much, the doubt of myself was so heavy that I thought I would be crushed.

I am thankful for my Uncles who stepped up, and showed me and my brothers love and did their best to fill in the gap. I am thankful for different adult men in my life, who encouraged me and took interest in me as an adopted daughter. I am thankful for the Friend ( I can't even remember her name now) who invited me to church where I learned about my heavenly Father who would not let me down, who loves me unconditionally and who always forgives me.

I am doing alright I have two wonderful boys and a husband who loves me. I made it through and now I am raising my own children, who are lucky enough to have a father who will always be around. 


Six years ago I started a journey in really getting to the root of ( for lack of a better term) " My daddy issues" I am still working through things but I can say  I have learned to forgive my father, and it was the most freeing thing I ever did. For the longest time I wanted  to sit with him and ask him "why?" hoping for what, an apology, I am not sure. Any time I would get close to the subject he would avoid it. Now I know I don't need an explanation, he will be accountable to God for his actions not me. I am able to forgive him. I am still forgiving him for new stuff that I find that has been buried deep down for so long.

The day I was able to finally forgive him for the big thing, the hard thing, him leaving it was so freeing. It was like a weight was lifted off of me. Things changed I am able to be okay with where he is at as far as being in mine and my boys lives. I have never told him that I forgive him because I don't think I need to right now. Mainly because at this point I don't think he even knows what effect he has had and that I even needed to forgive him. I pray one day he will find God, be sober and when he does and if he asks for my forgiveness, I will be able to look him in the face and say " Dad I already have!"

Courageous

Tonight my husband and I were able to to go on a date night and saw the newly released movie Courageous it is by the same people who did Fireproof and Facing the Giants. I strongly suggest going and seeing this movie, I don't think I have gone from crying, to laughing back to crying this much in any other movie.

With out giving to much away, it is basically about a group of fathers that make a decision to be the kind of Fathers God has asked them to be according to scripture. It is very moving and I don't think anyone in the packed movie theater walked out the same as they walked in.

After the movie we walked to Jamba Juice for a quick treat before heading home. As we talked about the movie, my husband shared the points that hit him the most. One of which just being around isn't enough, he feels he needs to actively engage in our sons lives. 

We also talked about men being the spiritual leader of the household. That is where it hit me, do I  allow my husband to lead our boys? Do I actively listen to him and God when I need to take a step back? Do i push my agenda on him, instead of suggesting something and listening to how he feels about it?

I am going to take a risk and make a HUGE generalization here but I believe many women in our culture have been taught that they shouldn't have to let go of the right to run the family. We were raised to be strong independent. How can you do that when you are being submissive?

Submission is not about being a doormat, it is about knowing only one person can lead the family and God decided it was the husband. It doesn't mean you don't have a voice, it just means when someone has to make the decision and there is no agreement, the husband has to take on that responsibility. One day our husbands will stand before God and be held accountable for their families that is why they get to lead.

The main verse they use in the movie is in Joshua "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord" we have always used this as the foundation for our family. We want people to know when they interact with us that we love God. Tonight that verse took on another meaning, God wants my Husband to be the leader of the house, and for me to let him.

If we are to take  " as for me and my house we will serve the Lord" and try and live it not only should the outside world see God working in our family, but our sons should see what a family is in Gods design my husband leading and me following him.

Mondays

Always the hardest day of the week, trying to get back in to the swing of school, and picking up the house from all the weekend fun. Around here we like to play and have fun most weekends, which means my house gets horribly negelcted for 2 days.

For the last couple of weeks I have been re organizing my house a room at a time when I have extra time after chores. This weeks goal is to get the kitchen cleaned and re organized. My pantry is overrun by mess created by little hands looking for snacks. Plus my sink is over run with dishes that even though I have washed them it keeps getting higher...hmmm. So this is my goal to get the kitchen spic and span then it is so much easier to put it back that way in the mornings while my oldest does his seat work.

I am hoping having my house in order from top to bottom ( eventually) it will make my mondays less taxing since everything will be mostly clean to start with come Friday afternoon. There is hope for me not to hate Mondays so much in the future :)

Today I start week 5 of my 12 week work out challenge. I am adding an ab routine on Tuesdays and maybe Thursdays depending on how sore I am. Plus what I have been doing is changed slightly, I just got in a groove too. I will post more on how this challenge is going tomorrow.

The best cooking tool EVER

Well at least I think so. I just managed to cook chili for my family with only 2 tools my knife and my mix and chop. I just renewed my love for my mix and chop, it is a great tool for ground meat. You can just throw your meat in the pan and the mix and chop breaks it up effortlessly. The reason I am so excited about this handy dandy little tool is tonight I was looking over my recipe and I was supposed to hand squeeze or blend plum tomatoes ( I have made this meal before and usually go the route of the blender) then I thought I can just use my mix and chop, not only did it save me having to pull out the blender and then wash it it saved me time and worked like a dream.

It saved me so much time in fact that dinner is done, and I am still waiting on my family to get home from the Y so we can all eat. So I decided to share with you all ( if you don't already know) what a wonderful little tool this mix and chop is.

My favorite tool the Mix 'N Chop

You can get it through your pampered Chef consultant. A quick shout out to a friend of mine who is a consultant she is doing a Fundraiser for the Navy Seals Foundation now through Sept 4th.  20% of all sales go to the foundation to help the families of those who lost their family member in the devastating crash and families like them. 

http://www.pamperedchef.biz/gravygirl?page=products-detail&categoryId=96&productId=15658&itemId=2583 this is her site you can order through it for the fundraiser. 

Our Life as of late

So I am not very good at this whole updating my blog thing :p but I am trying and that is what counts.

We are starting week 4 of schooling and things are going well, there are the challenges, getting the toddler to color with out eating the crayons. Today I gave him dabber's he ate those too! But I got my house clean while my kindergartner worked on his seat work and the toddler was contained.  I have put a new system in place to help my kindergartner stay focused, he is thinking that most of his school work is beneath him so he will draw on his page or whatever. Today was rough since it was day 1 but things went so much better than last week, once the tears stopped. Here is to no more tears by the end of the week, (  I have such high hopes).

We joined a co-op and that was a lot of fun, it took my kindergartner a while to warm up. Which I expected, he has generalized Anxiety disorder so new situations are rough. The great thing was instead of him shutting me down and refusing to go back we came up with some great ideas together that might help him next time. Which is such a great improvement for him, we have been taking him to see a therapist since the beginning of the year and we are now starting to see the work we have all put in come around full circle. He still has a ways to go but it is so reassuring seeing him take these steps. 

I am on week 4 of my new work out regimen, it is going well, I am not dieing as much as I was in the beginning and I have increased my weight and my reps. Also I am doing much better on the treadmill. This is my last week of this section then on to the next, finally after I have gotten in a groove. I am loosing weight at a pretty decent rate. I am hoping to meet my first goal by the middle of November we will see how that goes. I am setting goals of losing 10% of my body weight every 3 months or so until I get down to my goal weight.

I am hoping to be able to get on her more and share my thoughts more often. We shall see how that works out :)

Priorities

Priorities funny how different people place different value on the different things and people in their life. Not all people have the same family values, enjoy a good book, listen to music ect. However, the bible makes it clear how we as Christians are supposed to prioritize our lives.
1. God
2. Spouse
3. Children
4. Home
5. Yourself
6. Outside the home

Starting with God is the only place to start the bible is filled with examples of "rising early" or having "quiet time" with the Lord. We need to make sure our spiritual tank is full before we try and take care of anyone or we will fall flat on our face. God is the only one who is able to help us love in the most pure unadulterated way. If we don't meet God first and keep our relationship right with him then we are pretty much at a lost.

Second is to our spouse we were created to be his help meet. There to pick up the extra slack, meet his needs and take care of him. Our husbands need to be made to feel special and we are the only ones who should be doing it.

Third your Children we are commanded to raise up our children in the way that they should go. They are gifts from God and entrusted to us no one else. It is our job as parents to make sure they have what they need.

Fourth the home, we as women are the climate of the home. If the husband comes home to a frantic house, everything is turned upside down, kids are running around, wife is yelling he is going to get all riled up too. The opposite is also true, we can make or break the evening in our homes, amazing how much power we can hold over the moods in our home.

Fifth yourself, I guess you were wondering were you fit in on this list. Well now you know. Being last doesn't mean you get forgotten, I have found in taking care of my time with God and my husband, my kids and my home I am taking care of me. That is who God created me to be. This is the season where I rock crying babies, kiss boo boos, wonder what mess I am coming to when I hear " mommy come look what I did''. One day there will be no need for kisses, or checking for monsters under the bed. So I don't want to miss it.

Lastly is the outside world, we are called to go and be disciples of every nation baptising them in the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit. So go, but take care of your family and your self first because God gave you them first and in time you can go forth and conquer the world.